Greece to be renamed 'Olympikenstaat'

GREECE is to be renamed ‘Olympikenstaat’ following Germany’s first successful invasion of the country for more than 70 years.

The terrified Olympikenstaatians surrendered to huge, invincible columns of German money shortly before midnight.

Olympikenstaatian prime minister, George Papandreou, said: “Welcome, oh brave German masters. Feel free to liberate our priceless works of art and control every aspect of our economy.

“We look forward to you making all our decisions for us and moulding we poor Olympikenstaatians into disciplined economic warriors who will one day be able to help you invade Turkey.”

He added: “If there’s anything you need, just shout. But look who I’m talking to.”

Following the successful invasion of Greece, timed to coincide rather neatly with the resurrection of Rudolf Hess, the Germans have now set their sights on Portugenfurt, Sangriaplatz and Topothemorninstaat. 

Delighted German chancellor Angela Merkel said: “Hitler was an arse.

“All those people slaughtered and cities laid waste when all he had to do was get everyone together in Rome and suggest a series of treaties that would eventually deliver a Thousand Year Reich but without all those ridiculous SS trousers and the pointless arm waving.

“But that’s Hitler for you – right about Volkswagens, wrong about Jewish people.

“So often the way.”



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Adebayor asks Spurs to move to the midlands

HARRY Redknapp is reconsidering a loan move for Emmanuel Adebayor after the Man City striker said moving to London seemed like a faff.

As well as requesting that the north London club relocate a lot closer to Manchester so he didn’t have to move house, the sub-sedentary striker also asked whether the pitch could be shortened to decrease the amount of running about and advised that he was going to be busy most Saturdays.

Redknapp said: “Our current target men are a philandering bucktoothed lamppost and a lad with the pace and turning circle of St Paul’s cathedral, so we’re not saying a definite no just yet.

“My biggest worry about such a move would be Van der Vart falling to bits while being transported, but I suppose I could sit him on my lap in the front of the Transit.”

Adebayor has steadily fallen out of favour at City from first choice striker to regular substitute to being loaned to Real Madrid to his current status of having a restraining order banning him from being within 200 yards of the Etihad stadium.

Several clubs have expressed an interest in the player but the deals have fallen through after he failed to complete any of the medicals, citing his inability to be arsed pulling up his shirt so the doctor could listen to his chest.

Spurs hope that signing Adebayor will stem the tide of players looking to leave the club after it became clear that playing for Redknapp did not guarantee an introduction to his saucy daughter-in-law.

Redknapp said: “I’m sure the fans will realise the sacrifices we have to make to sign top quality players and will relish the chance of driving up the M6 every other weekend to watch Ade stroll about for a bit.”