Gun enthusiasts 3D-print a functioning Charlton Heston

US FIREARMS lobbyists have used a 3D printer to produce a fully-functioning Charlton Heston.

Heston’s vital statistics were programmed into the machine, which was then fed with 86kg of Lego bricks.

An NRA spokesman said: “Charlton was demanding his 2nd amendment rights before it’d even finished printing his mouth.

“However we’ve only done his top half. We turned the machine off when it started making his groin because watching that happen felt very gay.”

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Journalist to give up writing gimmicky bullshit features for a month

A JOURNALIST is to spend a month not writing features about giving things up for a fixed period of time.

Freelance writer Tom Booker took up the challenge after running out of ideas for things he could give up in order to write articles about it.

Booker said: “Last month I gave up using my car for a bit, which got me in the Guardian and was a piece of piss because I work from home and live near a tube station.

“At various times I’ve given up meat, TV, iPods, social networking sites and credit cards, so I was really struggling to think of something new.

“Also I got busted by an editor for recycling an old one about quitting coffee where I just did a ‘find-replace’ and changed it to being about sex.

“Then it struck me – why not give up writing all these articles? Just for a month, as an interesting experiment.

“Then in the resulting Sunday supplement feature I can conclude that the experience was rewarding but ultimately unsustainable.”

Booker added: “The hardest part will be finding something else to do for those 30 days. I might have to temporarily get a proper job.

“Maybe something real and meaningful like writing top ten abdominal muscle development tips for Men’s Health magazine.”