A WOMAN who is fed up with the hassle of life in the UK has announced she is leaving to live an affordable and sophisticated life in continental Europe.
Nikki Hollis of Bromsgrove has visited Europe twice, on a booze cruise to Calais and a hen weekend in Milan, and is confident moving there will be as simple as loading her stuff in a van and choosing a location.
She said: “Everything’s rubbish here: it’s freezing, the NHS is down the shitter and my electricity bill cost more than my wedding.
“Italy, on the other hand, is lovely. You can drink cappuccinos all day and proseccos all night. You don’t need heating because it’s dead sunny and Italians aren’t bothered about bills or paperwork or all that crap. They’re a relaxed Latin culture.
“As a nail artist I can work anywhere, and they all speak English. I’m going to give notice, hire a van, do a road trip and make my home in the first town I like the look of. Ciao.”
Husband Steven said: “Nikki’s an optimist but not a thinker. She doesn’t realise that Europe has winter, only tourist areas speak English, and the admin out there often involves presenting yourself to the town mayor and hoping he’s in a good mood.
“It’s not all flip-flops and fountains, and she refuses to hear that we can only stay 90 days post Brexit – which she voted for. But she is reconsidering now I’ve told her you can’t get salt-and-vinegar crisps.”