THE foreign secretary has asked her Russian counterpart if he fancies invading the Falkland Islands instead as it would really help her and the Tory party.
Liz Truss offered an initially successful invasion of the Falklands, followed by a historic British victory boosting the government’s popularity and ensuring her election victory, like Mrs Thatcher.
She said: “I’m planning to become party leader in June so wait till then and steam in there. I’ll tip off our lads so you’ll meet minimal resistance.
“Then I’ll deliver pre-written patriotic speeches, rally the nation, order in a taskforce, thrash the vast Russian army, and call a snap election. Then we’ll begin a new era of ‘Trussism’. I’ve even thought of a nickname for myself, ‘The Gorgeous Metal Lady’.
“Like Thatcher I’ll reshape the UK in my own brilliant image which is what everyone wants even if they don’t know it. And it’s great for Russia because you don’t lose against someone proper like the US or EU.
“You get your war, we get to win a war. There is literally no downside to this. Except a war.”
She added: “Why would you want the Falkland Islands anyway? That’s actually a pretty good question. How about I throw in some sheep? I expect you don’t have those in Russia.”