Iraq war seems like only yesterday, say Iraqis

IRAQIS have admitted it does not feel like 10 years since the Iraq war.

As the world marked the 10th anniversary of the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and his dangerously empty caves, ordinary Iraqis said the memory of everything exploding was still incredibly fresh.

Ahmed Hossani, from Baghdad, said: “I’m sometimes awoken in the middle of the night by a really vivid dream about the war. But then I look out the window and realise it was just the local police station being blown to smithereens.

“Life is better since Saddam was removed. The only problem is you can’t really go outside in case you get murdered by a lunatic.”

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Pope opens inaugural mass with ten minutes of audience banter

POPE Francis has opened his inaugural mass by engaging the front row in a few minutes of cheeky chit-chat.

The new Pope confirmed his informal, off-the-cuff style by picking on crowd members at St Peter’s Square with distinguishing characteristics.

Pope Francis said: “So…any Catholics in today?”

After his initial question met with a deafening cheer, the Pope continued: “How about anyone from a small provincial village?”

Having elicited a show of around two hundred thousand hands, the Pope then chose a man in a hat, asking him what his name was.

“Domingo,” came the reply, although the Pope deliberately misinterpreted this as ‘Domino’, for comic effect.

The Pope said: “So, Domingo, God tells me you’re a homosexual.”

After a short pause, the Pope continued: “Just messing with you, no seriously it’s going to be a great mass today.”

Cardinal Angelo Sardano tweeted: “Pope Francis is absolutely smashing it!”