THE prime minister has revoked the permit of the ToryStream 2 cash pipeline which spews banknotes into Conservative party headquarters.
The pipeline runs directly from Moscow and has been sending £250,000 a day in Russian funds to Conservative coffers since 2003 until it was shut down yesterday.
Johnson said: “I will not pretend this is without cost. Many’s the time I have needed petty cash and gone down to the basement with a couple of buckets and filled them up.
“The atmosphere was so wonderful down there. Myself, George Osborne, Amber Rudd, all joking as we lined up for our cash on a Friday, discussing what we’d spend it on. Popping down on a Monday morning to find Michael Fallon doing the backstroke in it.
“But all good things must come to an end and, reluctantly, yesterday we turned the crank that closes the pipeline down. The pathetic sight of Liz Truss scuttling around scraping up dirty banknotes we previously would have left for backbenchers was heartbreaking.
“I hope one day, once this crisis has passed, it will be reopened and we can once again benefit from the vast natural money resources that Russia possesses. But until then, we will manage on the billions we have saved.
“What? We didn’t save any? Bugger.”