Last Moon Nazi dies

THE last of the renegade Nazis living in a self-sufficient lunar colony has died, aged 95.

Hans Weishaupt passed away in his bed in a geodesic dome on the shores of the Sea of Tranquility, renamed the Meer von Lebensraum. 

Historian Denys Finch Hatton said: “Hans was one of the many rocket scientists recruited by NASA to help with their space programme, which they did on condition that they were given half the moon’s surface to colonise for themselves. 

“They landed in 1967 – two years before Neil Armstrong, because they wanted to get it all nice and Aryan ready for him – and swiftly established their capital city, Reichsvolk.”

Weishaupt, who kept in touch with world leaders with birthday Skype calls threatening rocket attacks on major cites, died promising that a fourth Reich would rain blood upon the earth. 

He leaves behind an army of indestructible robot servants and a 250ft statue of Hitler visible from Mars.  

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Lib Dem MPs to form rural puppet theatre company

THE remaining Liberal Democrat MPs are to tour the country in a people carrier re-engaging voters via a hard-hitting puppet show.

Since resigning as party leader, Nick Clegg has already started writing the show under the working title of Vince Cable and Danny Alexander Are Dead.

The marionette-based play will tour village halls, post offices and launderettes throughout the UK for the next five years.

Clegg said: “Now that all of the Liberal Democrat’s elected representatives can fit neatly into a Mazda Bongo, the time is ripe to take to the road and commune with the ordinary people of Britain via politically-charged puppetry.

“Mark Williams has started constructing the set out of an old bed sheet and a torch, whilst Norman Lamb and Tim Farron are composing a haunting score for recorder and kazoo.

“The other four will mainly be coming along to pad out the audiences and make cups of tea.”