THE other foods in your fridge are all scared of the cheese, it has emerged.
The dairy product rules over the refridgerator with an iron fist, inspiring great fear for its mystical quality of being stale and yet not stale.
Block of cheddar Tom Logan said: “Whatever happens in this fridge goes through me first. No questions, no dicking around.”
Tomato Mary Fisher said: “As soon as I arrived it was made clear to me that I would be inhabiting the lower shelves and that if I had any problem with that I should take it up with the cheese.
“I don’t have a problem with that.”
She added: “The cheese can be cruel but ultimately it has this aura of slightly unhygienic toughness about it that makes it a natural leader. You could turn to it in the event of a power cut and it would know what to do.”
Lettuce Roy Hobbs said: “Cheese is just so solid. It’s pure brutality, combining an imposing physical presence with massive potential for indigestion.”