Merkel: Germany has never done anything wrong

IN A time of economic crisis it falls to that exemplar of nations, Germany, to explain how to be completely faultless to others.

Yes, it is not easy to understand failings like Greece’s when your own nation has literally never done a single thing wrong within Europe, as everyone knows.

When ordinary Greeks say, “How did we get into this mess?” I tell them they cannot merely blame their politicians. That they, the people, are responsible for the will of their nation.

Germany has been, for much of European history up to 1914 and post-1945, a wise nation and a good neighbour to others.

Look at the facts: we have never been technically invaded by any nation sharing our borders, proving that they have always been perfectly happy with us.

There can be no criticism of our recent conduct in the last 70 years, if you exclude East Germany, but there are nations out there without the Deutschland’s ambition, its fighting spirit.

Nations that could never bend an entire continent to their iron will, not of course that Germany ever would, apart from on the present occasion.

Does my hair look iconic to you?

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Creepy ghost kid outfits sell out across UK

‘VENGEFUL child ghost’ outfits like the one worn by Prince George have sold out across the country. 

Parents and demented spinster aunts are rushing to dress children like the malevolent spirit of a 19th century foundling who perished in mysterious circumstances.

Joanna Kramer of Swindon said: “As soon as I saw our future king dressed like something out of a Woman in Black sequel I was straight on the internet. 

“When I take little Seth to soft play, all the other kids will run screaming.”

However, recipients of the outfit are worried about looking like an undead infant dandy.

Four-year-old Seth Kramer said: “Mummy has dressed me in the clothes of a Regency fop, suited only to sipping gin in the drawing room of a steam liner, and thrown me into this ball pool. 

“I cannot see the other children, but I can hear their breathing. They are closing in.”