Middle class socialists concerned about Tsipras’s modest lifestyle

COMFORTABLY-OFF socialists in the UK have expressed concern that Alexis Tsipras appears to live without lots of nice things.

Architect Tom Booker said: “As a lifelong fairly radical socialist I am overjoyed to see the left seize power in Greece. But why does Alexis Tsipras live in such a crummy little flat?

“I have a nice smart left-wing house, that I justify by telling myself that other people – those billionaires who are really the problem – have much larger houses.

“I mean, I am into redistribution of wealth as long as you can still have a really nice bathroom.

“I just hope the Tsipras family goes to a quality organic restaurant at least once a week and has holidays in whatever is the Greek equivalent of Center Parcs.”

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Achievements to be restricted to over 30s

PEOPLE under 30 are to be banned from achieving any kind of success.

A new law prohibits talents young adults from publicly flourishing before their thirtieth birthday, so as to make older people feel less shit about having accomplished nothing.

46-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “I’m sick to death of hearing about some wildly successful film or book or business start-up, then Googling its creator to find out they were born in fucking 1988.

“Life, for me, is a pendulum that swings steadily between boredom and disappointment.

“However, it is comforting to know that I’ll never again wake up to discover some 24-year-old has been long-listed for the Man Booker Prize, or there’s a GCSE student who’s just sold their app for six bastard figures.”

Ministers admitted that the law may have adverse effects in some fields – most notably sport, where athletes will now be several years past their physical prime before they are permitted to compete professionally.