Sunday, 9th May 2021

Middle-class twats postpone 'holibobs' until autumn

ALL the middle-class twats have decided to collectively postpone their holibobs until October half-term, they have confirmed. 

Following the announcement of quarantine for Spanish holidaymakers, two-car families who enjoy drinks in the summerhouse and couples who own snowboards have decided to hold back.

Joseph Turner of Holmes Chapel said: “I’ve called Piero and told him we won’t be needing the farmhouse in San Casciano this summer. It was hard, because we’re like family, but he understood.

“Our holidays aren’t qualitatively comparable to theirs in any way, but sadly when flying we’re forced to breathe the same air as the benighted wretches only going abroad to swill lager and lie by the pool.

“It’s alarming to see all these people rushing to the beaches after months in lockdown. What if the Gallerie Degli Uffizi is forced to close again? Would they even care?”

Wife Francesca Turner explained: “Our poor children are really pining for their cultural education so we’ve pencilled in a half-term jaunt to Pompeii.”

“It’s around halloween, but Montgomery and Lisbeth won’t miss it. They’d take a caprese salad and a museum audio guide over sugary sweets any day.”