Naomi Campbell’s Eyelash Conditioning Appointment Delayed By War Crimes Trial

NAOMI Campbell has revealed how her appearance at some silly war crimes trial had forced her to delay a vital eyelash conditioning appointment.

Campbell moments before she started beating the absolute shit out of an innocent stenographer

Appearing at the trial of blood-soaked Liberian warlord and friend to the stars Charles Taylor, Ms Campbell admitted she was a reluctant witness and asked who she should sue if her eyelash re-ioniser was forced to do a rushed job.

She said: “They’ve gone all skrunky and if I don’t get some new ions into them right now, then I may as well ask Jean Pierre to cut my head off.”

The 40 year-old supermodel then charged suddenly across the courtroom and began beating the stenographer with a sock full of coins, while shouting ‘why are you writing that down, you fucking bitch?’.

Back in the witness box, Ms Campbell confirmed she had attended a gala dinner in 1997 with Taylor, Nelson Mandela, Mia Farrow and Fern Britton in support of something to do with schools. Or possibly pools. Or possibly scales.

She added: “Shortly after I had returned to my hotel room, there was a knock at the door and a man handed me a pouch containing some dirty little stones. I removed them, threw them as hard as I could at my maid and went to bed.

“The next morning, as I was picking them out of her forehead, I noticed they were still dirty. So I kicked her in the stomach and told her to clean them up, chop-chop.

“It was only then that I realised they were diamonds. I’m really sorry if some people got hurt when they were picking them from the diamond trees.

“They should give them better quality ladders.”