Nationalism continues to make everything brilliant

NATIONALISM continues to be the best way of making everything better, it has been confirmed.

Of all the options available to humans, experts said focusing on ethnicity and borders would always produce spectacularly successful results.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The big question is why it’s so successful.

“I think it’s because people who define themselves in terms of their nationality also tend to be the cleverest and most imaginative.”

He added: “Whether it’s British, Russian, Turkish, French, American or Scottish, nationalism is the best way to make everyone rich, safe and happy.

“It really is true – the best solutions are always the most simplistic.”

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Being a careers advisor 'should disqualify you from giving careers advice'

PROFESSIONAL careers advisors have admitted that their job is awful so they should probably shut up. 

38-year-old Nikki Hollis, who earns her living telling teenagers what to do with their lives, said: “I just say that wanting to be a grime MC is fine but they should have a plan B, like working in Tesco.

“Or joining the army, or being a hairdresser or being a drama therapist, whatever that is.

“Basically I have no idea, as reflected by the fact that I’ve wound up doing this weird job.

“I haven’t even got a proper office, just a cupboard with two chairs in. No window.

“One day I will die in here and it will be three weeks before anyone notices.”