NORTH Korea is not an elaborate modern art installation, as previously suspected.
As the tiny nation seemed to be genuinely threatening the United States with a nuclear strike, experts said it was now likely that Kim Jong Un and his late father are not ground-breaking surrealists in the mould of Salvador Dali, Luis Bunuel and Anne Widdecombe.
Julian Cook, professor of not knowing what’s real anymore at Roehampton University, said: “I’m starting to suspect he’s a schizoid. And a massive one at that.
“I may yet be proved wrong and this really is experimental theatre on a grand scale. In which case he is guaranteed a five-star review.”
Meanwhile, the United Nations has told North Korea that if it wants to kill itself it could either do it quietly at a Swiss clinic, or spectacularly, with human cannonballs and alligators.
UN secretary general Ban Ki Moon said: “I would say to North Korea, ‘there really is no need to kill yourself, but if you do, try to do it in a way which does not bother anyone else’.”
He added: “If North Koreans are determined to die then my personal preference would be for them to be fired, one by one, from a giant circus cannon directly into a ravenous, black-eyed dinosaur.
“It would be like throwing an M&M to a friend to see if they can catch it in their mouth.”