North Korean rocket launch footage 'best ever You've Been Framed clip'

HILARIOUS video of the botched North Korean rocket test has fallen into the hands of Harry Hill, it has emerged.

In the uproarious clip, the projectile tumbles out of the sky like an old stick, bouncing trampoline-style off the roof of a hangar before hitting an old shed from which a ragged-eared grey dog emerges to urinate on it. The animal then looks directly at the camera with a wry expression, almost appearing to wink.

An ITV spokesman said: “We can confirm that the footage is genuine, and contains all the attributes of a great You’ve Been Framed clip – monumental hubris, a tense build-up followed by calamity, and people literally tearing their hair out in clumps while hollering in a foreign language.”

In the closing seconds of the clip, two ragged, skinny children can be seen poking the rocket with a stick and laughing, before a frantic smock-coated scientist chases them off, swiping at the youngsters with a clipboard.

The anonymous creator of the footage, which arrived on a Betamax video cassette, plans to spend the £250 on staple foods for his village.

Meanwhile, the North Korean government has claimed that the rocket was deliberately diverted to avoid hitting Kim Jong-Il in heaven.

A dictatorship spokesman said: “The Dear Leader, who passed away in December last year, has ascended to godhood and now smiles down benevolently on his people while wearing oversized Bono shades and a pensioner’s grey coat collared in squirrel fur.

“Kim, whose pompadour is now made of stars, lives in the sky now. Had he been hit by the rocket he would have cried a million tears, flooding Pyongyang and killing everyone.”



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Rich people help poor people to help rich people, say rich people

CHARITABLE donations are one of the best ways rich people can help rich people to help themselves, according to new research.

Economists found that every pound a rich person gives to charity generates another pound that can be used to help them build a life of self-sufficiency and yachts.

Julian Cook, professor of holes at Roehampton University, said: “If we tinker with the tax relief on charitable donations we risk condemning thousands of people to some secondhand 50-footer that doesn’t even have a jacuzzi.

“Imagine cruising into a Sardinian fishing village on something that has obviously been renamed. Charities are right to be afraid.

“If we cap the allowance then of course rich people will stop giving money to poor people. What would be the point?”

Martin Bishop, who made £48 million last year betting on things that don’t exist, said: “I am expected to keep giving money to charity just because I can. But then they would have more money and I would have less money.

“I’m sorry, am I missing something?

“Many years ago I realised that poor people were a tremendous opportunity. But where’s my parade?”

Cook added: “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a tax loophole and he’s fucking sorted.”