People who knew nothing about Ferguson riots able to work out exactly why they happened

A GROUP of people kept in isolation for the last six months has guessed exactly why there are riots in the US town of Ferguson.

According to the Institute for Studies every one of the dozen volunteers immediately said ‘an unarmed black guy was killed by a white policeman who was then let off’.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “We brought them out of isolation one at a time, told them there was a riot in an American suburb and asked why they thought that could be happening.

“Every single one, exact same answer, within about eight seconds. They may as well have rehearsed it.”

Professor Brubaker said that when he told the subjects their guess was exactly right, they all shrugged and looked at him as if they had just given him their name and address.

He added: “So anyway, it’s just something America might want to think about.”

The subjects will also be asked why they think Israel is bulldozing houses and why the banks have been in the news.

 

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Kevin McCloud unveils tasteful modernist grotto


GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families. 

McCloud said: “Kids will go mad for the smooth contours,  cavernous rooms with glass walls and artisan pulled penguin pizzas.

“The experience is one of form married to function in a bold, forward-thinking arc that stares optimistically toward December 25th.

“We came in just three years over schedule and nine million pounds over budget. The Italian pewter Christmas tree and reindeer-droppings furnace were completely worth the wait.”

“Father Christmas will be played by a proper actor like Michael Gambon, not some slobbering builder type in a stick-on beard.”