SUPPORTERS of the arrested Russian punks Pussy Riot have warned that the band may be forced to promote dairy products.
The feminist band, detained after staging a ‘punk protest’ in a Moscow cathedral, may suffer the same fate as the Sex Pistols’ John Lydon who was famously sentenced to flog butter after being found guilty of crimes against the British establishment.
Free Pussy Riot campaigner Emma Bradford said: “Putin is looking to teach the band a tough lesson and he knows there’s no greater indignity for a counter-cultural icon than having to promote spreadable dairy goods.
“Except perhaps selling car insurance.”
Bradford believes that, if found guilty of hooliganism, the girls will be incarcerated in Putin’s Dairy Adjustment Centre for commercial conditioning.
She said: “They will be forcibly coerced into believing that a low-fat spread called Moo Delice is delicious and ‘Moo-tiful’.
“The band will then appear in a television advert where they’re all beavering away in a kitchen, discussing how sticking it to the corrupt phallocentric government isn’t nearly as good as the delicious healthy spread they’re putting in their husbands’ sandwiches.”
Music fan Nikki Hollis said: “Having seen John Lydon being chased across my television screen by a herd of fresians, I’m terrified for these women.
“Still at least there’s other radical female musicians like Madonna out there, who makes bold political statements such as getting her bangers out.”
