British hero Bradley Wiggins is almost as famous for his cool Mod styling as his pedalling ability. Here’s how to recreate the cycling demigod’s trademark facial fuzz without waiting for tedious hair growth.
You will need:
A generous handful of pubes
Double-sided sticky tape
A bowl or similar receptacle for the pubes
Remove your trousers/skirt and underwear (if you’re doing this at work, you may want to stay decent by simply pulling down your pants low enough to expose pubic hair).
Cut off your pubic hair, taking care not to slice into your genitals.
Using both hands, mix the pubes together in a bowl. This vigorous tousling bonds them and creates volume.
Cut two pieces of double-sided sticky tape into the L-shape of sideburns, then place them into the bowl of pubes and swish them around a bit until they are completely covered in hair.
Attach the non-hairy sides of the tape to your face, positioning them carefully to ensure a seamless join with your real hair.
Go to the pub, prepared for intense sexual interest from humans of both genders.