THE Queen is not particularly interested in Scotland because she is unable to ride it.
Amid calls for the Queen to stop Scottish independence with her bare hands, Buckingham Palace said that if it was not about horses ‘you may as well be speaking Klingon’.
A spokesman said: “We could ask her, sure, but she would just shrug and then go back to rubbing some leather.
“You need to create the illusion that ‘Scotland’ is a beautiful stallion and Her Majesty must intervene before it is sold to her Arabian nemesis.”
David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband immediately volunteered to be a horse, or play the part of a simple but intuitive stable boy who reckons ‘Scotland’ is the ‘best he’s ever seen’.
The Palace spokesman added: “Like most people of her age, she really doesn’t care about other humans anymore.”