RAF to look for any unbombed bits of Syria

DAVID Cameron has called on Britain to flatten the last remaining bumpy bits of Syria.

Making his case for British airstrikes against ISIS, the prime minister told the House of Commons there was an outside lavatory 15 miles from Aleppo that still has its roof attached.

He added: “It stands there, being a toilet, brazenly defying our values. If not now, when?”

The prime minster then listed seven other small buildings across Syria that remain structurally sound, including a newsagent, a car wash and a fruit kiosk that could be sheltering up 20,000 ISIS maniacs.

He added: “We have learned the lessons of Iraq. Too many buildings were left standing in Iraq. And it was in those buildings that ISIS was formed.

“We will only bring peace to the Middle East when all the buildings have been destroyed and everyone has to stand around in the street.”

Meanwhile, Cameron has not ruled out sending troops to Syria to jump up and down on any small bits of the country still sticking out of the ground in a campaign codenamed ‘Operation Snooker Table’.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Corbyn 'more of a Pol Pot guy'

JEREMY Corbyn has apologised after the shadow chancellor quoted Mao in the Commons yesterday, clarifying that he always preferred Pol Pot. 

The Labour leader said that John McDonnell had unfortunately missed key policy sessions where it was agreed that Mao was a capitalist running dog whose Great Leap Forward was far too easy on the peasants. 

Corbyn continued: “I always thought Mao was a bit of a poser, you know? 

“All big posters and ostentatious blue tunics and to me, that is not what Communism is about. 

“Whereas in Cambodia, or Kampuchea as I still call it, nobody even knew Pol Pot’s name. Brother number one, they called him. 

“That’s very much how I’d see myself in government. Anonymous, not claiming any credit, just quietly working to eliminate the bourgeoisie.”

McDonnell said: “Mao killed 45 million people in a failed attempt to industrialise China, but according to Jeremy that achievement’s meaningless because he didn’t like his outfit. 

“Don’t mind us, we’ve been going back-and-forth about our top ten leftist dictators for years.”