Richest 85 to buy poorest 3.5 billion


THE world’s richest people will purchase half the population in a deal worth trillions, it has been confirmed. 

Once the bank transfers have cleared, billions of people will be shipped off to their new owners for a variety of purposes as they see fit.

Sierra Leone pauper Wayne Hayes said: “A letter came through saying I had to go to a Japanese businessman’s mansion and that it was hoped that I liked balls, whatever that means.

“I have to make my own way there on foot and by stowing away in cargo holds because he clicked the Super Saver delivery option for me. I suppose it’s by looking after the pennies that he’s got to where he is today.

“I say goodbye to my family tonight – they are heading to Texas where they will make waterfall noises for the benefit of a 78-year-old petrochemicals magnate with prostate issues.”