THE Russian hackers who broke into 500 UK webcams are transfixed by the sheer lack of event in British lives.
Victims were alerted to the security breach when heavily-accented voices from their computers marvelled that they were not even speaking to each other.
Russian hacker Timur Bobkov said: “Life in the West has been sold to us as a never-ending cycle of thrilling consumption and glittering parties.
“But on your webcam we see only man watching television, man watching television, man scratching crotch and picking nose with same hand while continuing to watch television.
“On Russian webcam we see man go berserk drinking jet fuel, six-girl orgies, gun raids of meth-cooking operations, but somehow I am unable to turn away from your empty lives.
“When you open box of Maltesers I am almost as thrilled as you are. Is pathetic.”