Saturday, 24th October 2020

Science is bullshit, says man whose life has just been saved by it

DONALD Trump has confirmed that science, medicine and doctors are a load of bullshit.

The US president, whose life was just saved by cutting-edge Covid-19 treatments, held a post-hospital press conference where he advised everyone to burn their face masks and ignore doctors.

He continued: “While I was in hospital getting pumped full of medicines to stop me dying, I had a lot of time to reflect on what a bunch of losers these doctors are.

“They’re telling us to be afraid, to wear face coverings like a bunch of Muslims and even to hide our faces when we’re coughing like we’re scared of a little cough.

“They don’t even realise that even if you get the bug it doesn’t matter because you’ll get taken straight to your own private ward in a beautiful hospital with a unbelievable team of physicians whose sole job is to keep you alive.

“And the drugs they give you are just phenomenal. The most incredible drugs. At one point I was so out of it that I thought my attractive daughter was actually my wife.”

He concluded: “So don’t be afraid and don’t believe science. There is no coronavirus and I just beat it all on my own. Amazing. Thank you.”