Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Six ways in which Brexit is totally, completely done

BREXIT is done, over, finished and will never be mentioned again. Here’s six ways in which you won’t hear about it: 

We don’t even think about the EU anymore

The UK has begun its first week of freedom by proving that it is over the EU and doesn’t even think about the EU anymore by delivering a major speech about the EU telling the EU how painlessly it has moved on. So there.

UK-EU trade negotiations

Negotiation of UK-EU trade, which will dominate politics until the end of the year and beyond, is a clear sign that Brexit is a done deal and not worth dwelling on. Apart from every day, in excruciating detail.

The Irish border

Remember this? There’s no need to as it’s a dead issue that’s completely gone away, apart from minor, footling details like how it will operate, where it will go, and when exactly it will lead to Northern Ireland leaving the UK for good.

Scotland’s fine with it

Despite not voting for Brexit, opposing Brexit and electing a party implacably against Brexit in every constituency, Scotland’s Brexit position is now completely settled. The EU saying they’d welcome an independent Scotland is just empty rhetoric.

3.6 million EU citizens live here

All EU citizens in the UK, often employed in vital roles, have accepted that they are second-class citizens who deserve no rights and live at our whim. The three million Brits in the EU, by contrast, will be coddled as lovingly as a pensioner’s Highland terrier.

The prime minister said it is

Boris Johnson has told us that Brexit is done, and there’s no way he would lie. All his increasingly frantic trips to Brussels over the next 11 months are simply because no London barman can pour a decent Hoegaarden.