A WOMAN has deviously cooked a meal to force her mates to come to her place rather than go out to meet them.
Nikki Hollis offered to cook knowing it would coerce friends into gruelling bus and train journeys to her flat in Roundhay, Leeds, while she only had to visit Morrisons down the road.
Hollis said: “I sent out an innocent-sounding email saying ‘Hey, instead of going out why don’t I make a nice meal for everyone?’ and the idiots walked straight into the trap.
“I didn’t even go to much trouble. Fancy pasta, onions, mince, and the same sauce I’ve been making since I was a student. They’ll have to say it’s nice whatever.
“And for that minimal outlay I get all the joy of not going out. My flat’s a real pain in the anus to get to, but I didn’t have to travel further than my living room for a good booze-up with all my friends.
“Their evening was blighted by missing night buses, sharing Ubers and coming to pick up the car before 8am the next morning, but that’s their problem. I was all drunk and comfy in bed by midnight, so I win.”
Friend Emma Bradford said: “I knew full well what the conniving bitch was up to. I’d have said something but I want her to come to my ‘fajita night’. It’s a conspiracy of silence.”