US Supreme Court justices are set to overturn the landmark ruling in Roe versus cancer.
Conservative members of America’s highest court have argued that President Obama’s healthcare legislation denies cancer its constitutional rights.
By overturning Roe v cancer, which paved the way for widespread chemotherapy, the court will effectively strike down the Obama health bill which says that tumours are bad and that Americans should not have to just put up with them.
But Justice Samuel Alito said: “Every tumour, no matter how small deserves the right to grow to its full potential.
“It is not for private individuals to play God and decide which tumour lives and which one dies. The Bill of Rights is, at its heart, an affirmation of the American tumour.”
Justice Clarence Thomas added: “From the moment the first cell mutates that tumour is as much a part of humanity as you or me.
“It is unconstitutional to use the apparatus of government to destroy innocent, metastasising life.”
Helen Archer, a pro-tumour activist from Colorado Springs, said: “I had a tumour removed when I was a young woman and it is the biggest mistake I ever made.
“I had my whole life ahead of me. I wanted a career, I wanted to have fun and I thought a tumour would just get in the way.
“I often wonder what that tumour would look like today, all grown up.”
A White House spokesman said: “We’re saying that everyone should have access to cancer treatment. So sue us.
“Oh, you are. You actually are.”