The Daily Mash presents a cut-out-and-keep guide to Francis, the first Jesuit Pope who also happens to be Argentinean.
1) Was tempted to name himself ‘Fabio the First’.
2) Favourite film is the classic Jesuit fantasy The Exorcist. “At seminary I was voted ‘most likely to exorcise Pazuzu’.”
3) Secretly believes the Falklands ‘are as British as steak and kidney pudding’.
4) May have met Adolf Eichmann. “Which one was he?”
5) Favourite food is wine.
6) Advises homosexuals to try having sex with a pumpkin instead.
7) Claims to be really good at karate and judo but won’t show anyone his moves because he ‘might take their eye out’.
8) Only pretended to like General Galtieri whenever they went on holiday together.
9) Banned Diego Maradona from masturbating with the Hand of God.
10) Would like to beat you until you apologise.