Theresa May in absolutely massive wild guess about Scottish people

THERESA May is betting the future of the UK on a gigantic wild guess about how Scottish people react to things.

The prime minister insisted that by denying Scotland an independence referendum before Brexit she will not be fuelling support for independence, but also admitted she has no idea whatsoever.

She said: “I’m kind of basing it on opinion polls. I know, what a lot of bollocks, but does anyone else have any clue? Nope? Thought so.”

Bill McKay, from Edinburgh, said: “She’s right to not have the faintest idea. I have no idea what I think about any of this any more.

“I can’t remember what I thought about it yesterday. I should probably start writing it down.

“Or better still, I’ll just tweet it to the world amidst a flurry of c-words and really quite specific threats.

“Yes, that’s what I’ll do.”