Tories getting some cracking ideas from Iran

THE UK can learn a lot from the religious dictatorship of Iran, the foreign secretary has claimed.

After reopening the British embassy in Tehran, Philip Hammond said he was impressed by Iran’s stance on crime, traditional values and not criticising the government.

Hammond said: “Iranians are very supportive of the government thanks to the simple expedient of electrocuting their genitals. Iain Duncan Smith could incorporate that into his workfare schemes.”

He added: “Britain’s legal system is slow and expensive, but in Iran they just bump you off if the judge doesn’t like the look of you.

“All those little creeps at the Guardian would soon change their tune.”

Hammond also stressed it was a ‘shame’ the two countries had fallen out as an Iranian-influenced Conservative Party would have made UKIP unnecessary.