Trump backs down on nuking hurricanes 'because it could release three super-villains from the Phantom Zone'

DONALD Trump has ditched plans to fire a nuclear missile at a hurricane after officials told him it would rupture the Phantom Zone, releasing a trio of super-villains.

Trump had insisted that ‘hurricane bombing’ was entirely safe, but backed down when the Pentagon warned him the would be forced to kneel before General Zod.

A source said: “It was touch and go because he thought he had a chance with the the short-haired female super-villain. But ultimately he is terrified of Zod.

“He also said he wants to buy Greenland so he can turn the Fortress of Solitude into ‘classy resort’.”

A White House spokesman said: “The president kneels before no-one. He just dropped his keys in front of Vladimir Putin, that’s all.”

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Taylor Swift writing song called 'Hull Lady'

POP superstar Taylor Swift is working on a new song about what a lady from Hull might get up to on a Saturday.

The song details an evening in the company of the eponymous woman as they explore the East Yorkshire city together.

Using the same melody as ‘London Boy’, Swift describes getting a ‘croggie’ – a ride on the handlebars of a pushbike – to the shops before buying 18 cans of cider.

The pair pass a statue commemorating the time John Prescott hit a seagull with his car, before things turn sour in a local pub.

The song continues with the line ‘Then I watch a fight (that she’s in)’ before the chorus opens with ‘I’m intrigued and frightened by a girl from Hull’.

Asked about her creative process, Swift said: “I used the same melody but changed a few of the words around to make sense. For example, instead of ‘Don’t threaten me with a good time’ I changed it to ‘Don’t threaten me with a broken bottle’.”

Swift is remaining tight-lipped about who the song is referring to, insisting she was not scared but just does not feel like saying right now.

Next story ›