Trump calls Buddha a ‘stupid foreign hippy’

DONALD Trump has continued his war on religious leaders with a foulmouthed attack on Buddha.

Speaking in a provincial conference centre in front of a few hundred confused, noisy locals, the Republican candidate accused Buddha of having no immigration policy and not being American.

To deafening cheers from the audience, Trump said: “That pot-bellied preacher of peace was just a stupid, hippy asshole.”

The candidate then dismantled his comb-over to reveal his bald head and then impersonated Buddha having sex with a Mexican.

Trump added: “Who’s that one with all the arms that those Arabs worship? And why isn’t that guy holding a gun in any of his hands?”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Anti-EU campaigners secretly hoping Britain stays in so they can keep whining

PEOPLE campaigning for Britain to leave the EU privately hope the country stays in so they can keep bitching about it.

As the anti-European campaign cranks up its rhetoric, thousands of people are secretly praying for a ‘stay’ vote so they can continue to use the term ‘EUSSR’ and imply that all Bulgarians are thieves.

One Eurosceptic said: “We can’t see the point of foreigners at all. But at the same time, I need to be able to complain about them fiddling with my sovereignty with their big, dirty fingers.

“Also, discovering the term ‘EUSSR’ is literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Another campaigner added: “I would love it if the French had the common decency to admit they’re not as good as me and some of my friends.

“But deep down, we realise we’re like Arsenal – without Europeans, we’d be nothing. Can’t we just be allowed to whine like children?”