Trump eases world’s nerves with rambling and demented speech

DONALD Trump has eased the world’s nerves with a waffling speech like a man who’d just been hit with a spanner.

Trump, who took the stage looking like he’d just run over his own dog, began his speech by rambling about something or other before denying everything and blaming everyone else.

US voter, Tom Booker said, “I feel a lot more at ease after watching him denying questions about pissing on prostitutes and saying that no one cares about his tax returns.

Plus, he said that the inauguration is going to be beautiful so that’s that sorted anyway.

A load of military bands by the sounds of it. Which isn’t reminiscent of North Korea or places like that at all.

And I’m glad that he ended with the catchphrase from his TV show. That settled my nerves more than anything.”

Democrat voter, Carolyn Ryan added, “I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that as a germaphobe he must have been going through absolute hell shaking all those voters hands when he was out campaigning.”