Wednesday, 26th February 2020

Trump found not guilty by a jury of his mates

PRESIDENT Trump has been acquitted by a jury of his supporters, party members and close personal friends. 

The president, who withdrew state aid from the Ukraine for not investigating his Democratic opponents, was luckily cleared of the entirely proven charges by Republican senators who support him. 

Senator John Boozman of Arkansas said: “We, the president’s close political allies who depend on him to remain in power, have considered the evidence and found him to be on our side. 

“We did not allow the calling of any witnesses, because they would only have got in the way of our overwhelming support for this great man. 

“We did retire to consider the charges, but we just sat around saying ‘High-five if you love Trump,’ then high-fiving.

“Then we all voted, in the great tradition of democracy, to find our friend innocent and his accusers guilty, wrong and not worthy of office. As the American people demanded.” 

Trump later tweeted that Senator Boozman was ‘a Boozer and a LOSER! Sad!’ after mistaking him for a Democrat, and then went to bed.