Friday, 4th December 2020

Trump: He really was just a prick, wasn't he? 

PUNDITS have agreed that President Trump’s time in office and legacy will mainly being remembered for what an utter prick he was. 

Ever since his shock victory over Clinton analysts have struggled to unravel the true character of Donald Trump, finally concluding that the divisive, outspoken figure was simply an arsehole.

Trump biographer Susan Traherne said: “I spent two years embedded at the White House. What was he like? Well you’ve met pricks before, right? Like that.

“Moody, gave people bollockings for no reason, loved golf. In another life he could have been running a recruitment consultancy in Penge.

“There are so many theories about his rise and what it says about America, widespread disillusionment with mainstream politics, all that, but I’d say it’s more about dickheads liking pricks.

“There are loads of dickheads around. They like causing problems for no reason, and they can vote. It’s all quite straightforward really.”

Speculation about Trump’s next move is mounting while he exchanges texts with Nigel Farage about how they should ‘do something’. Farage has apparently ‘got some ideas’ including ‘a new twist on the classic steakhouse’.