Trump: ‘I am literally an eagle’

DONALD Trump has told America that he is actually an enormous eagle with red-and-white striped wings. 

The Republican presidential candidate’s convention address revealed that he is a bald eagle with an 80-foot wingspan who holds a rolled copy of the US constitution in one claw and a handgun in the other.

He continued: “I scatter hundred-dollar bills wherever I soar, unless it is above America’s enemies where I drop bombs that hurt only the evil and never the innocent.

“Wherever my shadow falls there is freedom. Wherever I perch there is justice. I kept the peace in the Old West and I kicked Hitler’s ass in World War Two.

“The haters will say I am not an eagle, that I do not have magnificent plumage of red, white and blue, that God Bless America does not automatically swell behind me whenever I speak.

“Real Americans know the truth.”

Mary Fisher of Wyoming said: “He’s a goddamn eagle alright, in a stars-and-stripes top hat riding a Harley Davidson.

“Saw it with my own eyes.”