Trump convinced this is actually clever

DONALD Trump believes that firing the man investigating his collusion with Russia is a really clever solution to the whole problem, he has confirmed. 

The president is patting himself on the back for his inspired decision to summarily dismiss FBI director James Comey, thereby ensuring the whole Russia thing will never be raised again.

A White House aide said: “You can hear him chuckling at his own brilliance right through the West Wing.

“Genuinely, he can’t wait to see this morning’s headlines, because he’s expecting across-the-board congratulation for getting rid of the guy who wronged Hillary.

“He was all, ‘That’s how you do business, Jared! Boom! Investigation over, Trump innocent, we will not be hearing from that guy again’.

“He also asked security to check Comey didn’t have a VHS videotape on him, especially one labelled ‘Ritz-Carlton Moscow 2013’, and when he didn’t said, ‘Great. That’s that one buried.’”

Trump added: “And did you notice I used my catchphrase? ‘You’re fired?’ Beautiful.”

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Quirky couple wants everyone to choose song for wedding playlist as long as it’s to their taste

A COUPLE have asked their wedding guests to suggest songs for their party playlist, provided they are the kind of tracks they would have chosen anyway.

Carolyn Ryan and Stephen Malley have been planning their £25k ‘rustic’ farm wedding for the past year and are determined for everyone to be involved, provided guests stay within certain parameters.

Carolyn said: “We know our friends and family all have certain songs they’ve shared with us over the years, which will make it so much more special. If they pick the wrong song, we’ll just pretend we never got their email.”

Malley added: “We’re looking for everyone’s input here, but crucially we need suggestions that are not too mainstream, preferably acoustic, and if possible with a light folk vibe to fit in with the rural theme.

“Our wedding day is about honouring and strengthening the unique bonds we have with our loved ones, but if Aunty Sue suggests anything by Mike and the Mechanics she can fuck right off.”