Saturday, 24th October 2020

Trump to be even more of a prick if he gets through this okay

PRESIDENT Trump has confirmed that if he survives Covid-19 without serious problems it will only make him more of a prick. 

The president last night engaged in a short drive-by adulation with supporters outside hospital to underline the fact that he will not allow coronavirus to change him, except for the worse.

A White House insider said: “If he gets through this unscathed then he will scale such new heights of triumphant assholery that he’ll make the old Trump look humble.

“Because he survived it, with the best medical care in the world, then when anyone doesn’t survive it it’ll be their own fault for not being as great as him so they deserve it.

“Anyone who’s been cautious enough not to get it, like Joe Biden, will be a coward and a pussy, who’s afraid of a tiny little virus and hasn’t got beautiful, incredible antibodies like real Americans do.

“He won’t be like Boris Johnson, suddenly hit by his own mortality. He’ll be convinced of his own immortality. He’ll start a nuclear war believing irradiation can only make him stronger.

“Just, you know, when you’re doing all your hopes and prayers? Keep that in mind.”