Trump to carry on doing exactly the same shit but not as president

DONALD Trump will spend the next four years holding rallies, being racist, sending mental tweets and golfing with the minor difference that he is no longer president. 

The defeat will be ignored by Trump who will continue to proclaim himself president while living in Florida and not understanding any part of the political process, as before.

A Trump insider said: “He’ll watch TV, shout at TV, tweet about the fake news media, eat a hamburger, get in a helicopter and spew bullshit at cheering dickheads. What’s the difference?

“He never did politics. He only used presidential powers to protect him from lawsuits. The White House wasn’t gold enough, briefings were boring, to this day he doesn’t know the difference between the House and the Senate.

“He’s just a delusional old racist who likes to call into Fox News and brag about how incredible he is even though everyone’s out to get him, and he’ll be able to do that for the rest of his life.

“In a way he’ll be happier. Apart from the deep, inescapable knowledge that he’s a total f**king loser.”

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Trump demands introduction of Super Double Caps Lock

DONALD Trump has demanded that a Super Double Caps Lock be created to better convey the force of his feelings on Twitter. 

Trump believes that computer keyboards need a new key to represent how emphatic and powerful his words are.

A White House spokesman said: “When the president typed ‘SEE YOU IN COURT!’ it was commanding, impressive and resolute.

“But unfortunately YouTube commenters calling pop videos ‘THE GAYMOST’ have lessened the impact of capital letters, meaning the tweet came across as impotent rage from a bewildered adult baby.

“Super Double Caps Lock will leave the world in awe with a series of epochal tweets about his daughter’s shoe line and a fabric softener commercial he feels is disrespecting him.”

Joe Turner, from Kansas City, said: “Has he tried using a whole bunch of exclamation marks? That always makes everyone take me seriously.”