Before you go, can you explain what the f**k the deal is with your hair?

AMERICA has asked Trump if he can do it a favour before he pisses off and explain what the f**k is going on with his hair. 

Following his loss to Joe Biden, the country has decided that as Trump is pretty much the most humiliated he will ever be, he might as well admit the truth about his whole coiffure situation.

Jordan Gardner of Tenessee said: “Like, we get that you’re bald. But how do you get from that to this?

“Is it all your hair, in which case it must be insanely long? Like four feet long? Or is it hair from monkeys or orphans or the dead or something?

“Also, while we’re asking, what’s going on with your face? The whole orange deal, apart from the white eyes? Do you put that make-up on every day? Why?

“Come on, dude, you’re already looking the maximum dick after this whole campaign. Just tell us the honest truth about what the deal is with that freaky shit. Then f**k off.”

Melania Trump, on her way back to Slovenia, said: “Yeah, what is that? I don’t know. I’ve never been alone in a room with him.”

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Trump is on glue, confirms White House

THE White House has confirmed that President Donald Trump is on glue.

US officials admitted that Trump’s latest rambling, incoherent performance was the result of him inhaling from a brown paper bag filled with solvents.

A spokesman  said: “He won’t let go of the bag so we think it’s either glue or possibly door knob polish.

“Brasso, something like that.”

The spokesman added: “If you inhale enough glue then Sweden becomes filled with terror. And large pink dogs the size of cattle.

“Also, he sacked John Bolton as National Security Adviser because he refused to do glue in the Oval Office.

“We’re all on glue here. We thought you should know that.”