THE US military has generously agreed with the Taliban to call their 20-year conflict a draw.
As troops heroically retreat from Kabul while flying the stars and stripes wish locals the best of luck, the United States was in negotiations with the incoming leaders to chalk up the conflict as a tie.
President Biden said: “Let’s not go back and forth forever to try and name a winner. Just call it a draw and get on with our lives. Good game everyone, good game.
“Not to burst your bubble, but just because you’ve claimed Kabul within a week doesn’t make this a win. It’s merely balanced the scales.
“Remember how we stormed in, drove you out, installed a new regime and Bush said ‘Mission Accomplished’? Well, that was premature, so don’t get carried away like we did. This is officially points shared.
“Quit while you’re ahead. Don’t double down and seek revenge, otherwise we’ll have to come knocking, f**k it up again, and we’ll all be back to square one.”
Rahim Sarban of Kabul said: “Honestly it feels to me more like a loss. I guess I shouldn’t have such high expectations.”