Vikings were just fantasy role-players
THE Vikings were a race of fantasy role-players who never invaded anywhere, it has emerged.
Archaeologists working at a Viking settlement found the 300-page rulebook for a game called ‘Helmquest’.
It is now believed that all Viking history is based on the game, which was played by groups of up to five Vikings with funny-shaped dice.
Archaeologist Norman Steele said: “The Vikings were a sedentary race of farmers whose swords and boats were purely decorative.
“However predominantly-male groups of Vikings would play complicated fantasy games where they pretended to be fierce warriors.
“They wrote down records of these games before retiring to their narrow virgins’ beds, and these tales became the basis of Viking history.
“A diary by ‘Ragnok the Unready’ expresses annoyance that ‘Hrothgar claimed his double-headed axe gave him +4 Pillage Points but this is patently not correct’.”
Steele’s team unearthed a Viking ‘games hall’ with comfy chairs and wooden bowls containing traces of friend potato snacks.
He added: Although the Vikings are known for rape and pillage, most of them were scared of women and did not lose their virginity until well into their 30s.”