We don’t give a shit who wins your pathetic bunfight, EU tells Britain

THE European Union has strongly denied Theresa May’s claim that the UK’s election is important enough for it to give half a shit about. 

EU leaders categorically rebuffed May’s accusations that they had interfered in the British election, saying they preferred to pretend our pitiful playground squabble was not even happening.

European Council president Donald Tusk said: “Honestly, it’s an insult that she thinks I would even care.

“As if it matters who we’re negotiating with. As if it matters to us if it’s her, Corbyn, that Lib Dem non-entity or Clement Atlee risen from the grave.

“It’s not personal, Theresa. You seem astonishingly clueless and easy to take advantage of, true, but that is all of Britain at the moment.

“Interfere? Would a man pick sides in an argument with ants? Idiot ants, arguing about which of them gets to fuck up the anthill? Or would he ready his magnifying glass either way?”

He added: “Though we would miss your Boris. He knows, in his eyes, exactly how badly he has fucked up and that’s hilarious.”