World to enjoy its last day of relative sanity 


PEOPLE around the world are deciding how to spend their last day before Donald Trump becomes US President.

Most have decided not to go to work, unless it is to kick their boss in the crotch, and many will spend Tuesday drinking themselves into a coma.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “I think it’s very important to be unconscious when the world finally loses its mind.”

Religious leaders have called for people to make peace with god before the result is announced, but have been unable to explain how god allowed this to happen in the first place.

Services will be held around the clock until the churches are reduced to smoking heaps of irradiated rubble.

Hollis added: “I may pop into my local church, assuming they’re generous with the communion wine and okay with me screaming obscenities.”