SOUTH African president Jacob Zuma arrived in London last night on the first leg of his bid to buy Cheryl Cole.
President Zuma, who is combining his Cole shopping with a state visit, is keen to add the newly-single Girls Aloud star to his overflowing wife basket.
Meeting Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, the president said: "Where is Cheryl Cole? I want to make a baby with her."
He added: "It was a long flight. Bring her to me so that I may watch her jiggle before humbly asking if she would do me the honour of becoming my new favourite wife."
President Zuma currently has 33 wives and just over 28,000 children. He was accompanied to London by Wife 17, previously known as the TV presenter Maggie Philbin.
Zuma's spokesman stressed there would no consultation with Cole's estranged husband Ashley, adding: "South Africa is a modern, egalitarian society where women enjoy the freedom to move between husbands without written permission."
Concerns have been raised over the impending purchase of the nation's sweetheart by a foreign sex maniac, while experts have warned that it may become increasingly difficult to take South Africa seriously when the head of state gets off the plane with 'one of his wives'.
But Dr Nathan Muir, an anthropologist at Reading University, insisted: "The world is made up of different cultures. In some societies men think about having lots of wives and humping absolutely anything that moves, while in other societies they just get on with it."