42-year-old man wrongly thinks he can still have ‘massive weekends’

A MAN is desperately clinging to the belief that he enjoys spending the whole weekend binge drinking.

Stephen Malley, who now has hangovers lasting several days, claims he loves a ‘proper bender’ even though he spends the rest of the week quietly weeping in the toilets at work.

Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Steve thinks there’s some manly honour in getting so shitfaced every weekend that he wants to die from the moment he stops drinking on Sunday until he starts again on Friday.

“The problem is he can’t handle it anymore and is usually so red-faced and shaky by Saturday afternoon that he looks more like he’s having a heart attack than ‘top bantz with the lads’.

“I’ve told him there’s no shame in having three pints then going home and nodding off in front of Dave but that just makes him buy a round of Jägerbombs.

“Then he usually vomits copiously in the gutter, makes a disastrous phone call to his ex and looks as though he could pass out at any moment.”

Malley said: “I just don’t want the good times to end.”