CHILDREN are annoying enough during the week, but at the weekend they find new ways to irritate you. Such as these:
During the week it’s all you can do to drag your kids out of bed, wrestle them into school uniform and boot them out the door. On the weekends though they’re up at 6am with the TV on full blast and they’ve probably already set fire to something. That’s if they’re not punching you in the face and asking you why you’re still in bed.
Being bored and hyperactive
Weekends are a time of rest and relaxation. Unless you’ve got kids, in which case you’re subject to their capricious whims. These can range from providing them with unending entertainment to lift their moods, or restraining them as they dash around of the house in a hyperactive frenzy. Roll on Monday when they’re the school’s problem again.
Having friends over
Your own kids are tolerable because deep down you do actually love them. Other’s people’s kids can go f**k themselves though, especially when they’re in your house, eating all your food and breaking everything in sight. You can’t even tell them off either, unless you want to become the villain of a judgemental parents’ WhatsApp group.
Making you watch the same film seven times
Kids are too young to watch films that are any good, and to add insult to injury they’ll make you sit through their favourite movie several times on a loop. Before long you’ll be able to recite the likes of Frozen and Sing 2 from memory, which would be impressive if it wasn’t so useless.
Not finding pubs interesting
To a child, pubs are dull places devoid of slides or ball pits. This means you can’t spend all day in a pub with a child, instead you have to take them to a soft play centre and piss away hours of your life. Their wellbeing is more important than yours though, so you have no choice but to suck it up.