Friday, 3rd July 2020

A boring-as-f**k birthday message to my two-year-old who isn't on social media so will never read this

by Eleanor Shaw

HAPPY birthday to my darling boy!  You won’t actually see this because you can’t read and aren’t on social media on account of being a toddler. 

However, I am writing it anyway so everybody knows how much I love you. Please take note of the accompanying album of 730 photos created for family, friends and former work colleagues I haven’t seen for years, to enjoy.

Including pictures of all the expensive and thoughtful presents that you weren’t allowed to open until I’d set up just the right lighting for a cute ‘present opening’ Instagram story.

I know you’ve loved all the quality family time posing for pictures of quality family time, and this year I only had to relight your birthday candles five times until I got the perfect shot of you blowing them out. What a clever boy.

What a wonderful day we’ve had together watching mummy post on social media, then respond to all the comments about the photos and check how many likes they’ve got.

I love you so, so much and will always be here for you my darling, unless I’m updating  Facebook, Twitter or Instagram about how much I love you, in which case piss off and go find the iPad.

#blessed #familytime #theygrowupsofast