Are you edgy or just desperately seeking attention?

ARE you genuinely edgy, deep and enigmatic or is it a thinly veiled attempt to get attention? Take our test and find out.

Do you say risqué or offensive things because: 

A) You have Tourette’s or a level of irony so deep no one understands how clever you are.

B) It’s a smokescreen for your actual personality which is super-boring and actually quite conservative.

Why do you have an ‘intense’ facial piercing?

A) You are a Bedouin nomad from North Africa.

B) You chickened out of getting a neck tattoo so had to do something to get noticed. 

Why do you take a lot of drugs?

A) You’re a hedonistic gonzo journalist like Hunter S. Thompson, living outside normal society and reporting back scathingly on its inherent hypocrisy.

B) You believe it impresses people, although it’s mainly the the sort of tw*ts who are also impressed by money, looks and DJ Tiesto.

You have fangs because:

A) You are actually a vampire. It’s not a lifestyle choice. You will actually die without blood.

B) You unwisely had your teeth shaved into fangs because hopefully with the silly vampire voice you affect someone will finally have sex with you.

Why do you only have very basic furniture and no TV?

A) You are committed to living a simple minimalist existence.  

B) It’s an opportunity for endless hashtags about every aspect of your very tedious life. 

Mostly As – Congratulations. You are abnormal but genuinely interesting and a rightful focal point of a social gathering.

Mostly Bs – You are desperately seeking attention and definitely get noticed at social gatherings, but in a ‘Who was that total b*llend?’ way that people will laugh about for days to come.

 

Nonconformist couple living off home-grown veg and parent-grown inheritance

A COUPLE are totally independent thanks to food they grow themselves and money they inherited from their families.

Nathan Muir and Francesca Johnson have created an enormous vegetable patch in the back garden of the four-bedroom house they own outright and are now completely self-sufficient, apart from non-vegetable stuff.

Johnson explained: “Everything we use, we grow and make ourselves. Except, you know, things like clothes and toiletries and bread and power and drugs and nights out.

“We let our families cover those costs, which makes them feel happy and part of the eco-revolution. 

“We feel so grounded and connected to the earth. It’s a far purer, more real way of living than other people we know, who’ve all chosen to have jobs for some inexplicable reason.”

Muir praised the couple’s bravery for quitting ‘the rat race’, which he feels he knows intimately after interning at a PR company for two months after university before f*cking off round Europe in a camper van.

He said: “We’ll actually be turning a profit soon. Not from the vegetables, obviously, but from the wellness retreat we’re setting up in India for dreadful people like us.”