Tuesday, 26th January 2021

Autumn is my favourite season, says knobhead who can f**k off

A TOTAL arsehole has just proclaimed autumn to be his favourite of all the seasons. 

Tom Booker said: “It’s so lovely and cool after the heat of summer, there’s all the autumn colours and those gorgeous walks in the park with the sun slanting through the trees.

“Summer’s fine, sure, but who doesn’t love cuddling up under a blanket with hot choc to binge-watch the new season of The Crown? Mmmm.”

Colleague Mary Fisher said: “Yeah, who doesn’t love slogging through September, October’s biting cold winds, or November’s pitch-black mornings?

“Winter has Christmas. Spring’s lovely because winter’s over. Summer’s hot and long days and all the good stuff. What kind of twat likes autumn?

“Sorry summer’s too gaudy and obvious for you, Mr Cosy Scarf Man with your fucking hipster season choice.

“I hope you kick through a pile of leaves and boot a dog turd.”