Barbecues ‘like smoking 20 cigarettes but not as cool’

BARBECUE cooking has the same health effects as smoking 20 fags but is nowhere near as cool, it has emerged.

Experts now believe that putting on an apron and burning some sausages not only damages your lungs but also damages your ‘coolness’ by making you look like a twat.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We found that barbecues substantially increase the risk of lung cancer while never making you look like Humphrey Bogart or the young Mickey Rourke.

“Next time you’re thinking of inviting friends over for a barbecue, consider sparking up a load of fags instead. You’ll get a real ‘Mad Men’ vibe and there’ll be hardly any clearing up to do.”

The findings are bad news for people who think that soaking a bit of pork in fizzy drink for 12 hours, incinerating it and putting it in a bap is a good use of their time.

Barbecuer Stephen Malley said: “I’ve been standing in front of this barbecue for an hour. My clothes stink, I’m wearing a novelty chef’s hat, and I’m pretty sure I’ve given my whole family diarrhoea.

“On reflection I should have just bought 800 Marlboros and got stuck into them.”